Grammar Punk Hall of Fame 2009-2010
(See last year's Hall of Fame here!)

April 15 & 16, 2010: F451 Series
E H 4 , adjective Mildred/Clarisse
I F 3 , conjunction Faber/Beatty

Dusty Taylor: Mildred reminds Montag of a neverending hell that the fiery devil himself wouldn't tolerate, and Clarisse is an exhilarating taste of Heaven for him.
Chase Carroll: Mildred does not see life outside the parlor, but Clarisse sees the world and all the colors that occupy the universe.
Carmen Longo: In Fahrenheit 451, Clarisse McClellan is a young girl who takes everything to her heart, and she is killed because of it.
Braeden Nelson: Clarisse was considered too talkative in the futuristic neighborhood of Fahrenheit 451, but I think she was rather misunderstood.
Alex Bingham: While Mildred's husband was a confused firefighter, Clarisse was the knowledgeable girl who met an early death.
Ryan Berghout: Fire Chief Beatty is very different than Faber, but in some ways they are the same because they both have knowledge of books.
Melanie Wright: Mildred's head was always filled with the hectic music from the seashell radio, but Clarisse thought of the stars overhead and how dandelions can prove you're in love.
Clark Sandholtz: Being the fire captain, Beatty had seen many fires, but none had been as up-close and personal as the fire Montag showed him (Tee hee.)
Brittany Coon: Mildred, her head full of distracting music and parlor families, didn't even think twice about the death of Clarisse.
Taylor Harris: Mildred sure knows how to make her husband's life a living hell, but Clarisse's influence is like Montag's medicine as she helps him reach sensitivity and understanding of himself.
Devin Bigelow: Mildred was lying peacefully, listening to her seashell radio, but that ended when Montag saw the empty pill bottle.
Devin Bigelow: Faber considered himself a bold, frightened coward that was consumed by books, but he fiddled with trinkets and made finger-sized communication devices.
Austin Flint: Faber has a nifty outlook on life that will take more than fire, torture, or even death to corrupt.
Nekel Knowlton: Mildred chose to turn the other cheek, but the looming elephant of mindlessness could no longer be ignored.
Ryan Tanner: Beatty was chnged in a jiffy into a fiery, nifty, and inconvenient human torch.
Edwin Filorio: If Beatty were to find Faber, he would have the old man sent to a correctional facility, but he didn't because Montag burned the fire chief.

February 26 & March 1, 2010
Fumblerule #7: When a dependent clause precedes an indepdendent clause put a comma after the dependent clause.
Dependent markers: after, although, because, before, even though, if, in order to, since, unless, until, when, whenever, whether, and while. (Dependent marker + independent clause = dependent clause)
(Many of the sentences in Comma Rule #5 meet this requirement.)

Kaitlyn Kloor: Because the English language is rough, you should let iguanas write tough sentences with the commas after the dependent clauses.
Shea Martinez: Because the lounging orangutan wanted a doughnut, he coughed on the voluptuous artist.
Libby Fowler: Since Gertrude the Groundhog sneezed on Gus the Jaguar, Gertrude is no longer alive.
Kyle Mollinet: When the groundhog didn't see his shadow on the grass, he vulgarly pooped a sugar nugget.
MRT: Although some of the sentences that illustrate Comma Rule #5 also apply to Fumblerule #7, not all of them do.
Amber Brenchley: After the whacky lunch my mother packed Wednesday, I did not want to know what's crawling in my lunch today.
Tim McMurtry: Because I was desperate to get a drink, I drank pond water that had warm spawn in it.
Kara Goodro: Since my Jeep Wrnagler is awesome, I drive to Wal-Mart sometimes to whack Tom Sawyer with my orange soda.
Clark Sandholtz: Because the song "In My Head" depicts a sensual fantasy, it reminds me of Sjoblom's sisters.
Matt Glines: Since I like bloody stuff, people often don't eat food around me.
Dennis Bassett: In order to join the clan of idiots, the dodo bird had to eat a disgusting doughnut.
Mikayla Hassett: In order to eat a noodle, the wacky model had to watch one of her beloved squirrels get tortured.
Devin Bigelow: After the dog ate the aluminum foil, he was undoubtedly in double the pain as when he ate a chicken leg.
Austin Atkinson: When the male lemur stole some licorice, the overzealous ape punched him above his nipples.
Braedeb Nelson: In Kyle's castle, lemony losers live.
Shealeigh Stillson: When the boy was told no, he knelt over and ferociously twisted his nipples until they turned blue.
Josh Wolfley: Because of Johnny's purple nipples, leprechauns trapped him under their waffle garden.
Sydney Barker: Because the elephant peeled the lemon on top of his tummy, his nipples began to bleed.
(Okay! Enough nipples!!)

February 22 & 25, 2010
Fumblerule #6: Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
(Be careful with the indefinite pronouns: none, some, most.) Besides meeting the roll of the dice, you have to include an indefinite pronoun (most, none, some, etc.) as part of the subject in your sentence, and you must use the appropriate (singular/plural) verb form to match it.

Austin Flint: Why is it most little lemurs are so darn cute?
MRT: Why is it most of my head is covered in hair this month?
Brooks Trujillo: None of the old people in the movies are cute, but the young lovely ones are.
Biff Bandermeyer: None of sand is horrendously hot today like it was when we cooked watermelon on the beach.
Erica Crabb: Some of the old folk songs are lovely, but others are hideous.
MRT: Some of the water is infected with squiggly, microscopic wigglers, isn't it?
Shaeley Lewis: Why are some of the students eating hard tacos during class?
MRT: Why is some of the soda slopping on the classroom floor?
Kara Goodro: Most of Utah forbids alcohol for some odd reason due to Fumblerule #6 and the L.D.S. church.
MRT: Most Utahns forbid alcohol, but it's got nothing to do with Fumblerule #6.
Bob Hargis: Everyone shouts "Rah rah ree! Kick him in the knee!" at the bodsled track.

February 16 & 17, 2010: S I 5 pronoun (optional comma)
Fumblerule #5: Avoid commas, that are not necessary.

MRT: You know all the rules that govern commas, so writing a sentence that correctly uses one should not be a problem.
MRT: It's possible to write a seriously insane and perfectly correct sentence with extensive vocabulary and elaborate constructions even if you don't use any commas.
Meagan Nokes: Composing a correctly written sentence is like visiting an oasis in a desert, so tainting it with uneeded commas is unnecessary.
Chase Cragun: Zack's bazooka, which was twice as tall as he, was traded for a pink pistol as he tried to assassinate the hissing dinosaur who was using commas in the wrong places.
James Redford: Pistol-wielding ninjas could easily hospitalize the entire Justice League if they decided to use a comma in a sentence that should have remained perfectly plain.
Carsen Jones: I said silly, frustrating, annoying, green aliens are sometimes stupid and can't use commas correctly.
Jacob Pitkin: Losing the comma is victorious in a blissful kind of paradise.
Melanie Wright: We will send you to therapeutic counseling if you're caught playing tonsil hockey, just as you will need mental help if you go comma crazy in Mr. T's class.
Shaeley Lewis: "Listen," said Silly the psitacosaurus, "it's wrong to use unnecessary commas."
Tyler Kendell: In the Sistine Chapel, the Pope was in an extensive quarrel with one of the cardinals because he misused a comma in his lesson on sin.
Ginny Decker: Icarus fell from the sky out of stupidity because he insisted on not listening to his father's warning about the overuse of commas.
Orion Snow: Do no use excess commas because this is a very heinous crime against all that the bald man believes to be true.
Parker Hixson: Sometimes it's completely insane to use a comma in an assignment, even if you are a disturbed rhinocerous.

February 9 & 10, 2010: A R 4 ; adjective
Fumblerule #4: Use the semicolon properly, use it between complete but related thoughts; and not between an independent clause and a mere phrase.

Austin Southwick: It is far better to not use a semicolon than to use one incorrectly; using a semicolon in the wrong way is like running around with Shakespeare's underwear on your head.
Erica Huber: Darn! I am a failure at Fumblerule #4; therefore, I will drive my great red car to Arkansas.
Biff Bandermeyer: Thompson's vampiric personality is a reflection of his crazy desire for precision in punctuation; he's especially heartless when it comes to semicolons.
Bryce Clark: It's unreasonable to slaughter the use of semicolons; it's like running fast and nude around K-Mart.
Joelle Jenkins: If you are using semicolons properly and ordinarily, you will not have to erase; therefore, read carefully and think hard when you are writing complete thoughts.
Parker Hixson: The semicolon must be used correctly; a simple comma would be unreasonably erasable and a great failure.
Cody Sparks: Semicolons are tricky fellows; use them properly or Shakespeare will relaease his wrath upon your huge, doomed, warty head.
James Redford: Pirates are fairly harmless and don't know much other that the word "Arrr," let alone how to use a semicolon; therefore, unless you want to be as stupid as a pirate, learn to use semicolons correctly.
Sadie Hutchinson: It is necessary to use semicolons in order to look smart; when they're used incorrectly, you are a failure.
Drue Harvey: I realized that I had misunderstood Fumblerule #4; no wonder I was so confused when that carnivorous creature came tearing through.
Shaeley Lewis: Ordinarily I am good at fumblerules; however, I find Fumblerule #4 unreasonable, vampiric, and narcissistic.
Allison Wiedeman: I don't know why it's so hard for people to use a semicolon in the right place; it's so easy a caveman working at Wal-Mart juggling massive watermelons in the zebra aisle can do it.
Kassi Vasquez: It would be a great failure to use a semicolon unreasonably; use one between independent clauses.
Alexis Ballantyne: Semicolons are very tricky and often misused in Iraq; use them right, or the imaginary parrot will erase you.
Sydnie Kidd: It is well known that aardvarks only read things that contain semicolons, and if the semicolons are not used properly, the aardvarks get mad; when that happens, people die.
Sam Capener: Do not heartlessly ravage the serious English language by using a semicolon incorrectly; it is rancid and unreasonable to do so.
Brooks Trujillo: I hate this Fumblerule crap; we might as well barf up carrot cake instead of doing all this gnarly stuff.
Erin Strickland: Use a semicolon properly to get a good grade; however, do not overuse the semicolon just to impress Mr. Thompson and become a failure in the process while tearing up a ripe watermelon with your carnivore teeth.
Sydney Barker: Put garlic on your underwear in order to smell scary; after following these instructions, you will hear screams.
Mikayla Hassett: Misusing a rare semicolon is one of Shakespeare's biggest pet peeves; consequently, he will shoot your sorry butt with a scary dart and make you wish you had paid more attention in English class.
Nekel Knowlton: Don't doubt Thompson; misusing semicolons will rain anger and grief upon you, not to mention that teachers will force sardines, which are super gross, down your throat.

February 5 & 8, 2010
Fumblerule #3: Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.

(Revise the fumblerule so that it no longer breaks itself. As always, your sentence must meet the dice requirements.)

MRT: Unnecessary apostrophes will ruin a good sentence, but it's not too late to bounce back and learn Fumblerule #3.
Kate McCorkle: Aubrianne taught her naughty, nude teddy bears that it's not okay to abuse Fumblerule #3.
Kyle Mollinet: Aubrianne jumped into the vat of toxic waste after she realized she'd been using the word it's incorrectly while writing a sentence about Sexy Rexy's tongue.
Libby Fowler: When Mr. Thompson saw that Kyle had licked his paper, which included an unnecessary apostrophe, he shouted, "It's not good, you unreliable nube!"
Bob Hargis: If you understand Fumblerule #3 and its statement about apostrophes, it's easy to get good grades; however, if you don't understand that you need to use apostrophes properly, you will undoubtedly fail in life.
(Kara Goodro) Fumblerule #3 clearly states the following: It's okay to call Taylor a dankish, knotty-pated ratsbane.
(Taylor Harris) Over the past year and a half, I've concluded this: Kara must have some horribly annoying disease that causes her to randomly hate the first person she meets whose name is Taylor Harris; I've also decided that I will only return her dislike if she does something as stupid as misuse an apostrophe.
(Devin Bigelow) Fumblerule #3: It's sad that people make mistakes by writing apostrophes in the wrong place, but when they do, they sarcastically go into a crazy state of mind.
(Tashia Thomson) Caution: The dinosaur recently crashed into a rabid snake eating its meal, and now they are fighting with machetes to avoid misusing an apostrophe.
(Brittany Coon) Fumblerule #3: If you use an apostrophe unnecessarily in the word its, it completely changes the definition, and it's then completely pointless.
(MRT) Fumblerule #3 states the following: It's especially important to use apostrophes correctly.
James Redford: Thompson was yelling up a storm, saying, "It's is not possessive! It means it is!" Learn to use apostrophes correctly, or I'll bite your bloody leg off!"
Clark Sandholtz: "Ouch!" yelled Ty Wall as the fiery, angry apostrophe jumped of its page and literally ripped through his skin.
Adam Van Der Torren: "Right!" said the illeterate loser who used an inappropriate apostrophe in the Grammar Punk sentence.
MRT: "Irregular apostrophe use makes brilliant people in the class want to obliterate you," said the teacher.
Tyler Kendell: The Uzbekistani prime minister stated Wednesday, "It's not fair to let Pakistran play the ukelele and bloody knuckles while using the apostrophe incorrectly.
Courtney Brannon: The Incredible Hulk said it's okay to do kung-fu, but only if you use apostrophes correctly and do a funky dance.
Austin Flint: If a husky cop sees you Schruting a sentence with an incorrect apostrophe, he will continue with a rough yet thorough body cavity search, so start to worry if he chuckles.
Nick Jensen: I will laugh at any human who misuses an apostrophe, but Jed will think it's hilarious to hurl you into a huge pile of husky lepers.

February 3 & 4, 2010
Fumblerule #2: Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
(Revise the fumblerule so that it no longer breaks itself. As always, your sentence must meet the dice requirements.)

Libby Fowler: Why is it that every time I write a run-on sentence on my paper, a hairy, creepy critter interrupts my thoughts and screams at me?
Courtney Mortensen: The intellectual creeps carried the horrible run-on setnences into the creek yelling, "Why are you so difficult to read?"
Kyle Mollinet: If the electric ice cream wrote a run-on sentence while jumping off a cliff, would you do it too?
MRT: "Can you believe that run-on sentence influence content, voice, word choice, and fluency in writing?" asked Marly.
(Taylor Harris) My friend Riley and his platypus got angry and decided to attack Kara for one reason: She wrote an irritating run-on sentence.
(Kara Goodro) Taylor Harris is all of the following: irritating, ridiculously moronic, and irresistably like a piece of poop on the bottom of my shoe that never quite seems to go away, kind of like a run-on sentence.
(Devin Bigelow) Warning: If you are writing irritating run-on sentences, you will be electricuted.
(Tashia Thompson) Warning: Rhinos often use run-on sentences when preparing for an attack but not when they are riding down a purple river.
Kylie Haslam: How come every time I write a run-on sentence the feds beat me with crabapples while they call me horrible names and send me to rehab?
Drue Harvey: Bekah babbles so much she misses all the lessons on Fumblesrules, especially the ones about run-on sentences, so how has she barely survived this class?
(MRT) Fumblerule #2: It is incorrect to write run-on sentences, so try to combine thoughts the right way.
(Melanie Wright) Fumblerule #2: Run-on sentences remind me of Mr. Carter because he's always "running on" down the hall towards me, frantically articulating, "Wright on!"
(Tyler Kendell) Advisory Alert: It is illegal to ride in the car with Michael Jackson due to his repetitive violation of Fumblerule #2, which indicates that run-on sentences are bad.
(Shaeley Lewis) Fumblerule #2: Never use those terrible run-on sentences because in reality they are incorrect.
Braeden Nelson: Lemons are awesome; when it comes to run-on sentences, however, leprechauns will soon attack your window-licking dog with their "little friend."
Jaxsen Layton: Levitating lemons loathe people who use run-on sentences; however, they love the few who don't.
Ryan Tanner: Ryan Tanner: If he should write another run-on sentence, his entrials will become his extrails.
Austin Flint: I, Austin, dislike run-on sentences; I like submarines.
Nick Jensen: Writing a run-on sentence is quite the sticky situation; Jed will be forced to to slice out your liver and pancreas.
Chase Carroll: It is, in fact, one of the top crimes to write a run-on sentence; moreover, Thompson will stab you with his giant pencil.

January 26 & 27, 2010
Fumblerule #1: No sentence fragments.
(Revise the fumblerule so that it no longer breaks itself. As always, your sentence must meet the dice requirements.)

(Meagan Nokes) Fumblerule #1: For future reference, please make an effort not to use the horrible things we call sentence fragments.
(Kate McCorkle) Warning: There shall be no freaking, ferocious, beefy fragments!
(Aubrianne Boseman) It's safe to say that Fumblerule #1 is freaking stupid and different because it states the following: You shouldn't have sentence fragments, especially ones with hairy, feminine giraffes in them.
(Bob Hargis) Warning: A fumblerule can break itself just to confuse you, which is freaky.
(Libby Fowler) Fumblerule #1: It is wrong to take the effort to write a sentence fragment because you will then have to write a fresh, new sentence.
(Courtney Mortensen) Fumblerule #1: If you put in effort and don't use frightful sentence fragments, you will be safe and have no fear.
Taylor Harris: If you are pathetically stupid enough to write sentence fragments, I will kindly take the liberty of having my platypus beat the crap out of you.
Kara Goodro: I think these fumblerules are particularly dumb, the dumbest thing I have ever heard of in the history of pants.
Cody Sparks: Dude, please don't go around Pennsylvania saying sentence fragments.
Tim McMurtry: Please don't use pathetic, powerless prepositions in your sentence fragments.
Riley Taylor: When I asked Parvati why she used so many sentence fragments in her paper, she passionately yelled "Up yours!"
Sadie Hutchinson: Today in English we learned that sentence fragments are bad.
James Redford: Writing a sentence fragment can prove dangerous, even deadly.
Sarah Zubeldia: Of course, the dangerously gorgeous Sarah Zubeldia knows that it's disastrous to use sentence fragments.
MRT: "Sentence fragments are bad," said the bald man.
(Variation on the above: "Damned fragments!" shouted the angry, bald English teacher.)
McKay Mondfrans: Dang! That fat flying monkey from Fragmentville said a sentence fragment; sadly, Mr. Thompson threw a fragmentation grenade at him.
Carmen Longo: Gosh! These sentence fragments are out to get me; they frequently disrupt my careless combinations of words, causing me to fear writing.
Alex Bingham: Farting flamingos! Sentence fragments are fun; too bad they give you horrible flatulence.
Karlee Carter: Hey I thought I told you fatties on Friday about Fumblerule #1; it's the rule about having no sentence fragments.
Melanie Wright: Did you know that because they prefer sentence fragments to epic, complete sentences, second period pushed Mr. T off the edge, making him paranoid for life?
Tyler Kendell: Why is it that private schools that perpetually fly the color purple teach their students the incorrect way to proofread their sentences for fragmentation?
Cheyne Moffett: Why in the world would you put a pathetic period at the end of an unfinished sentence?
Sydnie Kidd: "Will you please not write a sentence fragment?" the angry, bald English teacher begs pathetically.
Courtney Brannon: "Why on earth would you use those pathetic sentence fragments?" asked Penelope as she pointed to her friend's paper.
Shaeley Lewis: Why would you personally peel apart a perfect sentence into sentence fragments?
Nick Jensen: Using a sentence fragment is so terrible that it will cause Jed to mess his underpants, and he will soil his kilt.
Mikayla Hassett: If you ask me, it's wrong to go around school using sentence fragments in your mean conversations.
Austin Flint: Don't write sentence fragments, Matthew, or I will send muppets with medicine balls after you.

January 7 & 8, 2010
Apostrophes: The assignment today is to write a sentence that meets the dice requirements and correctly uses at least one apostrophe.

MRT: It's not hard to avoid errors with the apostrophe, but you must understand its rules.
MRT-- Warning: If you act animalistic like Nekel and Kyle, you too will have a poor citizenship grade to match Madeline's.
Dusty Taylor: The stupid telephone was ringing; therefore, I threw it in the soda, and Thompson's house went "boom!"
Courtney Brannon: I used my talent to sit on my teeter-totter and eat Sally's juicy hamburger; however, it wasn't very funny.
Justin Ly: The temperature on the big, brown tennis court was so terrible that the chicken's eggs melted in Layton, Utah; Kaysville, Utah; and San Antonio, Texas.
Shayla Giles: Maria, Tina, Stephanie, and Joan all went to the little girls' room to get a drink; they came back drenched.
McKay Mondfrans: Where is Ammon's Theater in Sammonsville?
Miranda Melville: Haven't you heard the song "So What" by Pink?
Chase Carroll: Did you say you would show me Spiderman's web above the movie?
Sydney Barker: So, the ladies didn't sob during Blind Side?
Heather Twogood: Ouch! Julius (Jim's brother) injured me while we were playing javelin with Jillian.
Lexxi Seager: Wow! Uncle Jim (my mom's brother) was just put in jail for throwing a javelin at King Julian during Jill's soccer game.
Courtney Palmer: Wow! Jill, Jim, Julian, and Julius's brother (the dumb one) are in jail for playing rugby in public and hitting some little kids.
Kylie Haslam: There they were: Nekel and Kyle rode on the elephant's butt as they said "'ello" to the dumbstruck bystanders.
Joey Pitt: While stirring succulent stew, I said 'ello to the jumping tiger in my backyard at 5:00 in the morning.
Jaxsen Layton -- Warning: Kyle's lemur and pet lemons love chocolate marshmallow bunnies with poofy pants.
Tyler Kendell -- Caution: The lame lemur's tails are quite strong, but they flail around like Elivis Presley's hips.
MRT: Does Elizabeth Fowler's attraction to an animal like Austin Flint mean she is crazy?
Gage Dorombozo: Does Ricky's animal-like appearance make Tucker wet himself?
Ricky Wright: Can you leap over a leopard's back while he is eating Gage?
Libby Fowler: Can we please leave before I fall into Austin's den and get chewed up into a million pieces?
Mitchell Watkins: Did the crocodile's lethal teeth bite me?
Tim McMurtry: Does the lemur's leaping ability help him get around?
Kirsten Anderl: "I will never make new year's resolutions!" screamed Melanie loudly. "I can listen to whatever music I want!"
Nick Jensen: Nick Jensen silently jammed to Jimi Hendrix, but he loudly sang to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon while chopping down a tree.
Melanie Wright: Never think about your audeince wearing only underwear because you will end up bashfully singing your ballad about Nick's Spiderman boxers, and that's plain creepy.

December 10 & 11, 2009
Sentence Types: Simple, Compound, Complex

Simple: One independent clause
Shaeley Lewis: Yellow devils are evil.
Kara Goodro: Evil devils lead Lucifer.
Tashia Thompson: In my religion, we worship one-legged devils.
Clark Sandholtz: I am writng a simple sentence about movies and music.
Dusty Taylor: Wow! My simple sentence is sexy.
Brittney Carlsen: Oh my! Simple sentences are superlative.
Ginny Decker: Whoa! Olivia thinks she's a sexy beast!
Olivia Gurnsey: Whoa! Camille loves sexy monkeys!
Edwin Filorio: Wow! Simple sentences are easier than sex!
Taylor Harris: Um, I have several reasons for severely wanting a sexy actress for a sister.
Aubrianne Boseman: Wowzers! Shea looks so sexy in the insane movie about flying monkeys in scandalous undies.
Bob Hargis: Sheesh! The super-sneaky robbers broke my DVD player.
Amber Brenchley: Bailey goes bananas over bears.
Sadie Hutchinson: The abnormal rabbit said bah-bah like a sheep.
Nick Jensen: Josh illustrates the same qualities as a bratty, crabby, albino ostritch.

Compound: Two or more independent clauses
Chase Cragun: The bald, possessed doll asked me where all the dope was, and I said, "Behind the counter."
Kara Goodro: I went around the giant poop in my yard, so I wouldn't get it on my dorky, Barbie shoes.
McKay Mondfrans: Mr. Thompson has a shimmery head, and it glimmers in the light.
Courtney Brannon: The nun played basketball under the umbrella, and she looked good in her new underwear.
Brittney Carlsen: The girly girl wore her Superman underoos, but her cheer squad didn't agree with it.
Helena Ma: Gnus reunite at unexpected times; for instance, they congregated at the unexceptional tournament of the popular animal sport get-run-over-by-that-car.
Kyle Mollinet: The jackelope jumped over the narcoleptic boy, and then Nick threw up on him.
Tyler Kendell: The sadistic jet pilot decided to eject from his plane; it crashed into an animal shelter.
Karlee Carter: Around my block, we rope wandering, rowdy Mormon boys, and we send them to a tropical island to learn formal etiquette.
Josh Wolfley: The proud Nick was riding a round ostritch, yet it looked scarily similar to Josh the Mormon boy.
Sadie Hutchinson: The Protestant preacher approached a fork in the road and decided to pray, for he didn't know what to do.

Complex: One independent clause and one or more dependent clauses
Trevor Fry: Since Marvin did dope, he couldn't sleep on the dog.
Shaeley Lewis: He ran around the doughnut because he was hoping to win a prize.
Tashia Thompson: I don't enjoy hurdling over huge donuts because they make me hungry.
Hailey Babb: As he walked through the door, Doug saw the wild lights.
Erin Stickland: Licorice is not my favorite candy most of the time because it makes me feel sick when I don't want it.
Jed Brough: Bill and Ted travelled back in time before they saved the medieval babes from the evil knight.
Courtney Brannon: After the went to the lighthouse, Leah and Larry ate some lemons.
Tyler Wall: Because Megan likes men in lederhosen, she thought Flint was attractive when he was eating licorice.
Sydnee Edwards: After the famous, fat father eats taffy, he farts for a very long time.
Tyler Kendell: After the long wars for Jerusalem, the infant born in the manger with the flatulent sheep was able to bring the fat people of Jerusalem together with faith.
Brittany Coon: After the devil pronounced his faithlessness, he baffled my famous father with his prestidigitation.
Sarah Zubeldia: Because Melaine like the buff guys, she fell for Santa Claus when he was in all the Christmas posters.

November 30 & December 1, 2009
Grammar Punk Meets The Odyssey

Using the handout that contains all the Grammar Punk rules we have covered so far, write a sentence about each section of The Odyssey. There are nine in all, and each sentence you write has to illustrate a different rule. Here are some:

I think men are pigs, but Circe took it literally. (Comma Rule #1, Ali Guymon)
The beautiful, intriguing Circe turned Odysseus's men into pigs.(Comma Rule #2, Brittney Carlsen)
Circe, very beautiful and tempting, was evil and turned men into pigs. (Comma Rule #3, Shayla Giles)
Circe was a beautiful, spell-casting, and easily persuaded sorceress. (Comma Rule #4, Justin Morales)
Generally, when you meet beautiful women, they do not turn you into pigs. (Comma Rule #5, Lexxi Seager)
Unlike Circe, I think it's redundant to turn men into pigs because they already are. (Comma Rule #5, Helena Ma)
"Circe took the phrase 'pigs of men' way too seriously," said Odysseus. (Comma Rule #6, Clark Sandholtz)
Circe was evil, not harmless like the men thought. (Comma Rule #7, Drue Harvey)
Odysseus met Circe; his men were turned into pigs. (Semicolon Rule #1, Tyler Wall)
They heard the goddess Circe; she sang low in her beguiling voice. (Semicolon Rule #1, Aubrianne Boseman)
Circe is not a booger; however, if she was I would pick her first. (Semicolon Rule #2, Kyle Mollinet)
Caution: You may become swine! (Colon Rule #2, Tim McMurtry)

Land of the Dead
Does anyone else wonder why Odysseus takes advice about his destiny from a blind guy, yet he lives to tell the tale? (Comma Rule #1, Austin Flint)
Courageous, dashing Odysseus got advice from an ugly old man. (Comma Rule #2, Carmen Longo)
The Land of the Dead, where Odysseus went to see Teiresias, was not very lively. (Comma Rule #3, Tyler Wall)
Generally, people are dead when they go to Hades. (Comma Rule #5, Libby Fowler)
"You're men will all die," said Teiresias, the creepy, blind prophet from Thebes. (Comma Rules #2 & #6)
I went to the land of the dead, where the tormented souls were. (Comma Rule #7, Matt Glines)
I avoid the Land of the Dead, hoping to stay alive. (Comma Rule #7, Alex Bingham)
Cerberus the dog guarded the gates of Hades; consequently, Odysseus had to outwit him. (Semicolon Rule #2, Amber Brenchley)
There is only one way to describe Teiresias: old and ugly. (Colon Rule #1, Tatty Loureiro)
Odysseus's motto goes like this: Conversing with dead guys is fun and highly educational. (Colon Rule #1, Melanie Wright)
Keep out: Dead people may bite. (Colon Rule #2, Tyler Kendell)

Sirens, Scylla, and Charibdis
The sirens sang, and the sailors crashed. (Comma Rule #1, Jay Burrus)
The beautiful, seductive women were very intriguing. (Comma Rule #2, Kara Goodro)
The sirens are very voluptuous, admiring, and charming. (Comma Rule #2, Shea Martinez)
The beautiful, scary, bird-like Sirens sounded like dying cats when they sang. (Comma Rule #2, Olivia Gurnsey)
The Sirens, who are good at singing, make ships crash. (Comma Rule #3, Avery Randall)
Odysseus's men tied him to the mast, not using glue, duct tape, or unknown sticky substances. (Comma Rules #4 & #7, Kaitlyn Kloor)
Hoping to lose only six men, Odysseus chooses Scylla over Charibdis. (Comma Rule #5, Cayden Hurst)
"Listen to our beautiful song," said the Sirens as they tried to seduce Odysseus and his crew. (Comma Rule #6, Tatty Loureiro)
The crew of the ship went to the land of the Sirens, hoping to stay alive. (Comma Rule #7, Dennis Bassett)
There is one very possible side effect of the Sirens' song: death. (Colon Rule #1, Kimball Thatcher)
Warning: The Sirens' voices are too beautiful to leave behind! (But not in the cartoon.) (Colon Rule #2, Libby Fowler)

Cattle of the Sun God
Odysseus's men ate the sun god's big, beautiful cattle. (Comma Rule #2, Tracen Page)
"You're pretty hot," said Odysseus's men when they touched the cattle of the Sun God. (Comma Rule #6, Tatty and Carmen)
Odysseus's crew was a bunch of idiots, weren't they? (Comma Rule #7, Tyler Kendell)
"Caution: Don't touch the cattle of the sun god!" (Colon Rule #2, Ian Bigelow)
Warning: They're hot! (Colon Rule #2, Tatty Louriero)

Father & Son
Odysseus returned to Ithaca, and he finally got to see his son. (Comma Rule #1, McKenna Buck)
The son, teary-eyed when his father came home, congratulated him on arriving home safely. (Comma Rule #2, Ryan Reedy)
Odysseus, seeing his son for the first time in twenty years, saw his son for the first time in twenty years. (Comma Rule #3, Taylor Harris)
Because Odysseus and Telemachus had not seen each other in 20 years, they did not recognize each other. (Comma Rule #5, Austin Atkinson)
Because Odysseus was disguised as a beggar, his son did not recognize him at first. (Comma Rule #5, Carmen Longo)
Because they had not met in 20 years, they cried much. (Comma Rule #5, Alex Bingham)

The Beggar and the Faithful Dog
The poochie sat on the poo, and he was very sad. (Comma Rule #1, Bryce Stephens)
Argos, the dog who had spent 20 years waiting for his master to return, died when he saw Odysseus safely return. (Comma Rule #3, Mikayla Hassett)
The poor, old dog stayed alive, just to see his master. (Comma Rules #2 & #7, Libby Fowler)
This is a very heartfelt part of the story; yet, I did not shed a tear. (Semicolon Rule #2, Dennis Bassett)
Warning: The dog is going to die. (Colon Rule #2, Krista Blanchard)

Test of the Great Bow
I grabbed the bow, and I pulled the string back to my face. (Comma Rule #1, Matt Glines)
The suitors, were hideous, rude, vulgar, and disgusting swine. (Comma Rule #2, James Redford)
Odysseus was, in fact, disguised as a beggar when he tested the great bow. (Comma Rule #3, James Redford)
Odysseus disguised himself, went to the palace, and strung the great bow. (Comma Rule #4, James Redford)
Hoping to keep himself alive, Odysseus didn't remove his disguise until after he had the great bow. (Comma Rule #5, James Redford)
After Odysseus completed the task, he exclaimed, "I did not miss." (Comma Rule #6, James Redford)
Odysseus successfully strung the bow, winning back Penelope. (Comma Rule #7, James Redford)
The suitors knew one thing when they saw Odysseus string the bow: death. (Colon Rule #1, Carsen Jones)
"Caution: Odysseus can string his bow with one swift movement." (Colon Rule #2, Shaeley Lewis)
Caution: Beggars may be stronger than they appear. (Colon Rule #2, Whitney Starks)

Death at the Palace
I hate the suitors, and I am glad to see them die. (Comma Rule #1, MRT)
The sharp, cruel arrow hits Antinuous in the throat. (Comma Rule #2, MRT)
Eurymachus, pleading for his life, swears to repay Odysseus for the food and drink he has stolen. (Comma Rule #3, MRT)
Odysseus glares angrily, tells the suitors to escape if they can, and then begins to fire his arrows. (Comma Rule #4, MRT)
Even though Odysseus looks like a beggar, he is still just as strong as he used to be (Comma Rule #5, Devin Bigelow)
"You die in blood," Odysseus said. (Comma Rule #6)
Odysseus has no intention of letting the suitors live, let alone allowing them to escape. (Comma Rule #7, MRT)
Odysseus killed 100 men; it was a bloodbath. (Semicolon Rule #1, Tyler Dopp)
They tried to steal his wife; consequently, Odysseus killed all of the suitors. (Semicolon Rule #2, Mikayla Hassett)
When deciding on how to get his revenge, Odysseus considered the number of suitors as opposed to the number of helpers still faithful to him; the weapons available to him that were not available to the suitors; and the degree to which Athena would help him.
There is only one suitable punishment for the suitors: death. (Colon Rule #1, MRT)
Caution: Do not try to take over Ithaca while Odysseus is king. (Colon Rule #2, MRT)

Odysseus and Penelope
Very few people actually finished the assignment to this point, so I have to write many of the sentences about Penelope's test of Odysseus. (Comma Rule #1, MRT)
Penelope, a succulent, unseduceable woman, tests Odysseus with a trick. (Comma Rules #2 and #3, Allison Weideman)
Penelope, known for her faithfulness to her husband, still was not sure that the man who had vanquished the suitors was, in fact, Odysseus. (Comma Rule #3, MRT)
Penelope tells her servants to help Odysseus clean up, dress the bed in fresh linens, and move it into the hallway. (Comma Rule #4, MRT)
When Odysseus hears that the bed is to be moved, he loses his temper. (Comma Rule #5, MRT)
"Mother!" exclaimed Telemachus, "your heart is made of ice!" (Comma Rule #6, Brittany Coon)
Penelope can be sure the man is Odysseus, hearing him explain why it would be impossible to move the bed. (Comma Rule #7, MRT)
Odysseus and Penelope embrace after twenty years apart; the story ends happily. (Semicolon Rule #1, MRT)
Odysseus finally returns to Ithaca; moreover, he reclaims his land, his palace, and his faithful queen. (Semicolon Rule #2, MRT)
Odysseus and Penelope were happy: They ended up together again. (Colon Rule #1, Destrie Moon)
Warning: There is a love scene coming! (Colon Rule #2, MRT)

November 6 & 9, 2009: Colon Rule #2
Use a colon before an announcement, instruction, or directive.

Caution: No running!
Warning: Do not drink the water!

All classes used the same roll of the dice for this one.
[EH4 adjective WILD]
(Mikayla Hassett) Warning: These heels have been known to cause back pain, muscle aches, and repeatedly sprained ankles, so cheerleaders beware!
(Anthony Robertson) Warning: Ryan Hernandez will soon be walking in the door, but don't mistake him for the hideous and horrible singer Sanjaya.
(Courtney Palmer) To those who have chains, freaky-colored or spiked hair, and tattoos: Halloween only comes once a year!
(Lexxi Seager) Warning: The giant cyclops with heavy, cherry red arms will climb over the mountain and eat you if you are not careful, just like he did the elephant.
(Helena Ma) Warning: For your own sake, do not hinder Helena when she has a splitting headache and attempts to reach for her boxed set of The Lord of the Rings sitting on the top shelf; rather, get as far away as possible!
(Sam Capener) Caution: Do not attempt to stop the treacherous, hellish, rotating blades with hands or genitals, for this could result in death.
(Allison Weideman) Caution: For your own safety, do not sit by Mr. Carter when he has his long, slimy, disgusting, horrible shtick because he will give you wet willies with it during a test.
(Allie Grant) Warning: Mercedes may look cute and cuddly, but in fact she is a heavy heroin user and quite high.
(Carmen Longo) For your information: If someone claims to be fat, do not agree; rather, say, "No, you are husky, heavy, or broad-shouldered."
(Olivia Gurnsey) Warning: Hailey is a hyper hyena who helps homeless people.
(Matt Glines) Warning: Heaven and Hell are two places where the dead go.
(Tori Fairchild) Warning: If you are female and partake of meth or heroin, you will never be a succesful heroine.
(Spencer Shaw) Caution: The heavy chickens will sit on your head.
(Rachel White) Attention: Kali and Courtney have six-inch heels, so if you have on flip flops like I do, beware of them violently stamping on your feet like they did to me!
(Melanie Wright) Warning: There's a huge chance that when you step hesitantly into Kirsten's living room, you will be assaulted by girls eating a slam-wich and telling, "Ooooh....Here! Here! Here!"
(Devin Bigelow) Health Caution: Wear earplugs while Mr. Lafontaine tells very hazardous jokes.
(Sadie Hutchinson) Attention: Heather the huge, hairy hippo is on the loose...again.
(Kaili Jones) Warning: Sammy is a hateful, heavy, huge Hitler!
(Cayden Hurst) Warning: Heroin may cause heroines to go into heat and kill many hitmen.
(Claudia Zavala) Warning: The healthy, sympathetic hero is very loud.
(Bryce Clark) Caution: Heroin may cause headaches, heart problems, and heavy vomiting.
(Paige Holje) Warning: The big hedgehog will happily leap out at your and eat your head off if you jump over the fence.
(Maria Whitten) Caution: Do not eat white hens because they viciously pluck your ears out until you can no longer hear any hamburger or any other food being cooked.
(Libby Fowler) Caution: Choose your hero or heroine carefully, for s/he might have a horrible case of hepatitis A.
(Ethan Brown) Warning: Hell is only thirteen miles away, and if that is not enough for you, you might just run into the devil himself, and he might do horrible things to you.
(Austin Flint) Warning: The consumption of Hector the Hermaphrodite's hemoglobin may result in hepatitis.
(Shealeigh Stilson) Warning: Although heroin may seem good for the heart, it is extremely unhealthy, even if it is tasty.
(Emily Seelos) Warning: The harmful substance called heroin is no heroine nor hero to anyone.
(Kate McCorkle) Stop: Smart elephants may emphasize their anger towards you if you throw heavy hamburgers.
(Amber Brenchley) Warning: Walking into the boys bathroom might be harmful to your healthy, hairy, hunky, huge hamburgers.
(Ryan Tanner) Danger: The explosives at Knott's Berry Farm help the workers, but they will send you to a fiery hell.
(Courtney Mortensen) Heed this warning: Hairy kids from Hell who help heat people's toes could be harmful to your health.
(Bob Hargis) Halt: He who crosses the red line over there will be beaten to death.
(Taylor Harris) Caution: When you remove this heavy gift from the package, it may be tempted to pants you.
(Nekel Knowlton) Heed me: Mrs. Dickson's health class is not for eighth graders who are faint of heart, morally pure, or naive.
(Tyler Kendell) Warning: Never put your gluteous maximus on the counters that surround Mrs. Cobia's small room in the dank corner of the school because she might just bite your head off in the most horrifying way.
(Kylie Haslam) Warning: The hearty hamburger will send you to Heaven early.
(Kimball Thatcher) Warning: Sjoblom gets hellishly moody when she hasn't had her Diet Coke.
(Carlee Snow) Hazard: The nasty hamburgers in the cafeteria are the unhealthiest things you will ever choke down..
(Drue Harvey) Warning: Heavenly chocolate may cause extreme happiness and heartburn.
(Aubrianne Boseman) Caution: The hearty hamburger may give you diahrrea for the remainder of your elfhood.
(Tatty Loureiro) Caution: According to all the previous writings, heroin and heroine do not mean the same thing.

November 4 & 5, 2009: Colon Rule #1
Use a colon at the end of sentence to emphasize another word, phrase, clause, or list that follows.*
*A complete sentence (independent clause) must come before the colon!

(Example) There is one main benefit of swimming: health.
(Example) I have a simple motto: “Born to swim.”
(Example) I swim for many reasons: health, endurance, strength, and fun.
(Example) I took these items to the pool: towel, swimsuit, goggles, and flippers.
(Hailey Babb) Wild Sarah went diving into the big, black pool, where she saw something weird: a screaming monkey.
(Olivia Gurnsey) Camille loves to talk about these animals: bald eagles and camels.
(Syd Benesch) Shea craves these: camels and Clark.
(Amanda Dudley) Shea pigs out on these foods: octopus, camels, arachnids, and snakes.
(Marly Petersen) Yesterday, Hensley's extra-terrestrial friend made a daring move: showed off his alien face, yellow teeth, and underpants on his head.
(Hensley Hogan) Yesterday, my extra-terrestrial friend, Hairy Underpants, showed us his prize possessions: an amazing six pack, an alien-shaped head, and off-color underpants with holes.
(Shea Martinez) I only put my monkey hand under the stall for two reasons: humor and crazyness.
(Kara Goodro) Sarah pulled and all nighter and did the following: laughed horrendously, told Megan she shaves her butt, and went simultaneously psycho.
(Austin Atkinson) Mrs. Seager brought food and drinks to the football game: Mountain Dew, Sprite, and yummy nachos.
(Shaeley Lewis) When I was talking to the baseball bat, he said the following things: "I don't like running the bases," and "I'd rather play basketball."
(McCall Martin) If Kiley's sexy soccer ball were to blow up, many things would happen: Kiley would cry; Charissa would die; and McCall would lie.
(Mikayla Hassett) The funky monkeys always try to sell stuff on the street: t-shirts, baseballs, and highly caffeinted drinks.
(Nekel Knowlton) Clark adores the following things: togas, endoplasmic reticulum, significantly random dancing, and Kennedy's pants (woah!).
(Courtney Mortensen) Ha ha! While yelling "Parkour!" and wearing a toga in his house, Clark tripped over these things: the lamp, the TV, and his little sister.
(Brittany Coon) You see, I bit the baby-sitter for a very simple reason: I felt like it.
(Kylie Haslam) Well, the reason I was struggling to win while playing spoons was this: Clark was pulling my hair.
(Orion Snow) Fudge-creme-sicles-on-a-stick! Look at the time: It's three hours after I was supposed to be at school!
(Ryan Tanner) Well, Clark and Ryan got in a fight, and the following things were broken: tibia, nose, belly button, and pretty much every other part of Clark's body.
(Kyle Mollinet) Uh, Clark is the following things: bright, naked-loving, spiritual, toga-tastic, spunky, ninja-like, springy, and perfectly wasabi.
(Taylor Harris) Well, Kyle doesn't know that I'm writing my sentence about him for a couple reasons: He's too busy trying to pick fights with Clark, and he's making up words like "toga-tastic" and "funner."
(Tyler Kendell) Cool! The website had only one saying: "Tick it, man! These questions are freakin' easy!"
(Sadie Hutchinson) If Clark were to die, the following things would happen: Kyle would go crazy, his family would be extremely sad, and Mr. Thompson's seventh period class would be boring.
(Melanie Wright) If you really want to know, I can finally proclaim what I think about Trevie Wevie and Adam's budding relationship: fishy!
(Kaili Jones) Clark's giraffe and flamingo like to fight over the following things: his TV, his comfy bed, Nick, and Riley.
(Kirsten Anderl) Here is a description of my neighbor: a flamingo named Clark who wears a toga, torments his fish, and believes he beats everyone at everything.
(Sarah Zubeldia) Clark came up with a very good reason for his tardiness to flamingo class: he couldn't get himself or the fish out of Kennedy's pants.
(Claudia Zavala) There are four funny, confused, kung-fu-fighting surfers: Jacob, Eddy, Frank, and Billie.
(Austin Flint) There are certain things you cannot say to the wild, dyslexic tribes of Madagascar: "flock of flucks," "funkidy funk," "fudruckers," and "buck futter."
(Ryan Reedy) Sufferin' Succotash! I forgot my lunch today, but Huff found something: a muffin, tofu, and fondu.
(Tim McMurtry) I thought it was funky that I found a refurbished picture of a U.F.O. doing the following things: eating fudge, stuffing furniture, and fumbling footballs.
(Ricky Wright) The foul, wild, kung fu fungus befuddled the following: a fluffy muffin, a funky griffin, and some random monkey.
(Kate McCorkle) I hate foul, funky monkeys when they say the following confusing things: "flaggerhoodle," "floppersticks," and "befuddle."
(Emily Richardson) There is only one way to describe the taste of the fungus-filled fruit after dandruff from Grandma's soft, furry arms fell into it: funny.
(Maria Whitten) Kate doesn't know she is like this: funky, funny, foul, befuddled, and confused.
(Josh Wolfley) If Clark is near you, you may hear the following things: ridiculous finger snapping, talk of Dragonball Z and Pokemon, and amazing superhero catchphrases.

November 2 & 3, 2009: Semicolon Rule #3
Use a semicolon to separate items in a series that already contain commas.

Example: I have been swimming in Layton, Utah; San Diego, California; and Greeley, Colorado.
Example (series within a series): When deciding on a pool in which to swim, consider length, width, and depth; temperature, chlorination, and cleanliness; and crowds, lifeguards, and your own swimming ability.
Tyson Burrus: Wow! Gus couldn't decide what color socks to wear: the green ones with red, yellow, and blue stripes; the brown ones with black and grey stripes; or the plain white ones.
Nika Love: Oh my gosh! For Halloween, my upset sister and useless brother wore long, black robes; bloody, red face paint; and scary, yellow teeth.
Austin Southwick: Dang! Justin just showed up Shealeigh with his monster mash costume that included Frankenstein's bolts, shoes, and shirt; Dracula's fangs, cape, and tie; and the werewolf's fur, pants, and tail.
Camille Bozeman: Woohoo! My mom and I went on a road trip to see haunted houses in Sand Diego, California; Austin, Texas; and New York City, New York.
Edwin Filorio: Holy crap! The Burrus brothers came to the Halloween party to drink soda, punch, and water; eat Doritos, Fritos, and Cheetos; and boogie with the Bogeyman.
Marly Petersen: While rowing a boat on the grooviest Halloween river, Hensley Hogan has long, blonde hair; blue, squinty eyes; and a ridiculous look on her face.
Sydnie Kidd: In Social Dance, Mrs. Dickson makes us do the Alley Cat, Electric Slide, and YMCA for line dances; the American Spin, Cuddle, and Backstep for the swing; and the Waltz, the Foxtrot, and Rock Step just to make us want to kill ourselves.
Clark Sandholtz: Over the Halloween weekend, I watched Horton Hears a Who, The Prestige, and The Invasion; parkoured at my house, Ali's house, and on the way to Chase's house; and was stabbed twice by Shea, borrowed Kennedy's pants, and played with Kylie's hair.
Sam Capener: I love these rock and roll bands: Mastodon, whose best songs are "Iron Tusk," "Crack the Sky," and Blood and Thunder"; Devil Driver, whose best songs are "Pray for Villains," "I Dreamed I Died," and "Clouds over California"; and Insane Clown Posse, whose best songs are "In Yo Face," "Beautifukl Doom," and "I Stab People."
Tatty Loureiro: Mrs. Loureiro spends most of Homeroom sitting at her desk, listening to Josh Groben, and monitoring talking teenagers; eating the fruit Mrs. Jorgensen gave her, sipping her cold water, and enjoying the cool breeze; and, finally, dancing a little jog with her strange eighth graders.
Sarah Vadnais: Megan and I watched awesome movies while eating fizzy, sweet soda pop; pink, sour gummy worms; and nasty, yellow popcorn.
Tashia Thompson: For Halloween I was a cowgirl with a white, brown, and black vest; a wicked, red, shiny cowboy hat; a heavy, silver gun; and awesome, black leather boots.
Shaeley Lewis: In my favorite movie, the wonderful tiger liked to eat ugly, watery enchiladas; green, squishy gummy bears; and brown, smelly watermelon.
Mikayla Hassett: While we waited for class to start, Nick performed his wacky dance, messed up my hair, and talked my ear off; complained about his binder, talked to himself, and invaded my personal space; and attempted to write all over the shirt I borrowed from my friend Rebekah with a green, permanent marker.
Helena Ma: Argh! Usually I go to one of three places for Halloween: Mrs. Nelson'scomfy, frog-and-mineral-bedecked home (for the cookies); around the neighborhood at about sunset to collect morsels myself; or to a friend's house, at which a collection of us will do something utterly ridiculous; however, I was so beseiged by legions of homework that I simply slaved away at my desk for the entire duration of that unusual holiday.
Joey Pitt: Steven was looking for his very own girlfriend in Oakland, California; Oklahoma City, Oklahoma; and Austin, Texas.
Taylor Harris: I did not know why my tongue was climbing up the back of my throat and out my nose, but I was sure of a few things: I was going to puke chunks of green, blue, and purple; I felt like dancing the tango and the mamba; and some platypus was giving me a strange look.
Meagan Nokes: Mrs. Miner has four groups in each choir: soprano, alto, second soprano, and second alto for girls; tenor, bass, lead, and baritone for boys; and, for mixed classes, bass, tenor, alto, and soprano.
Kate McCorkle: The horrible goat loved light, chunky chocolate; long, green grass; and hideous, purple coats.
Ethan Brown: She loves playing soccer in high heels; playing basketball in grovvy, tie-dye hippie clothes; and playing football in hidous, horrible, black clothes.
Shealeigh Stillson: Shealeigh hiccupped her way through a volleyball game in Layton, Utah; another in Denver, Colorado; a third in Mauna Loa, Hawaii; and even one in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Bryce Clark: Shealeigh wore her horrific, blue shoe; her hideous neon pink, blue, and green dress; and her outrageous, punked-out hair to the Halloween party.
Libby Fowler: For Halloween, Heidi and I dressed as dorky Layton basketball players and wore high, yellow socks; baggy, brown shorts; and hilarious, white sweat pants.
Sadie Hutchinson: The pigs eat food consisting of brown, orange, and black lumps; sticky, bubbling, and gross liquid; and a horrendous, rotten-egg smell.
Melanie Wright: In order for one to become a true Davis Dart, one must have lots of money, live in a mansion, and have a pet elephant from Turkey; get all A's in drama and backstabbing; and give up one's innocence under the "D" sign.
Kayla Adamson: Eric had three girlfriends during second term: ostentatious Tammie from Seattle, Washington; conspicuous Terri from boring Boise, Idaho; and silly Sarah from Salt Lake City, Utah.
Karlee Carter: At the zoo, we saw elephants, tigers, and monkeys in the mammal habitat; beautiful maccaws, parrots, and parakeets in the bird show; and snakes, alligators, and lizards in the reptile building.
Kaili Jones: Courtney was wearing a hideous, make-me-wanna-puke-teal t-shirt; a gross, stinky, purple hat; and a cute, little, pink tutu.
Sarah Zubeldia: The turquoise panda looked everywhere for bamboo jello and found some in Santander, Spain; Brussels, Belgium; and Zagreb, Croatia.

October 20 & 21, 2009: Semicolon Rule #2
Use a semicolon before an independent marker* that connects independent clauses.

*An independent marker is a connecting word used at the beginning of an independent clause. These words can always begin a sentence that can stand alone. Here are some: also, consequently, furthermore, however, moreover, nevertheless, and therefore. They are usually followed by a comma.

Example: I went to the swimming pool; however, I did not swim very far.
Example: I swim three times a week; consequently, I have big lungs.
Ryan Tanner: Dave, the radical, dangerous sweater, ate Kyle; consequently, he dreamed and burped up purple.
Tyler Kendell: The ADHD, overly joyful, blabbing buffoon, whose name shall not be mentioned, ran into the Oakland Raiders football stadium; however, he broke through the wall in the middle of the fourth quarter and was beaten, thrown, and stampeded into a mashed-up pulp of a man by the Oakland fans.
Taylor Harris: Wearing his dazzling purple cape, Kyle left the room; moreover, we all had the idea to make him the topic of the day.
Kylie Haslam: Kyle would be dead if someone radically manhandled him on a Monday; furthermore, he'd collapse on the floor and cry like a five-year-old boy flailing downhill on his tricycle.
Mr. T: Sadly, Kyle left early today; consequently, we raided his journal and read his most private dreams about Taylor.
Emily Seelos: I went to go see an incredible movie about a pie; consequently, I dreamed about pink peaches.
Amy Cottrell: Allison's and my dazzling, flashy, pink rings are very bright; consequently, they blinded Kyle and his stupid purple cape.
Paige Holje: Paige gave Kyle a big kiss while eating pie; consequently, she got mono.
Kate McCorkle: While preparing pie for his periwinkle piggy named Elvis, Kyle paraded out of the room with his purple cape flowing behind him; however, Elvis did not like his pie.
Libby Fowler: Kyle, who went home to pierce his belly button with a purple pin, really got into this Purple Ribbon Week; consequently, people are now making up stupid sentences like this one.
Mr. T: Nick Jensen spilled luscious custard on his purple glove; therefore the glove smelled yucky.
Sadie Hutchinson: Kyle's luscious purple cape flew over his face; consequently, he ran into Nick and his custard-covered glove.
Devin Bigelow: Nick wears his lucky glove to school every day; therefore his hand has a crusty look to it when he takes the glove off.
Nick Jensen: Nick's purple glove looked very luxurious; consequently, the cute girls began to cuddle with him.
James Redford: In our cute but cheesy love scene, Kyle and I drool over Libby due to a cunningly placed love potion; therefore, every other boy in the school is clumsy with jealousy.
Kirsten Anderl: In seminary, after eating lunch, every guy in my class cuddled with my lusciously soft scarf; therefore I will have to wash it.
Melanie Wright: Nick was very uncool; therefore, when he began to dance the hanky panky on cue, we all died from embarrassment.
Riley Taylor: Riley threw a cruchy cucumber at Nick; consequently, Nick soiled himself.
Karlee Carter: That really was my strange Uncle Custard cuddling a cucumber; consequently, everyone thought he was a freak.
Ginny Decker: Olivia loves my cat; therefore, she thinks he is a sexy beast.
Brittney Carlsen: Kyle ate a lovely wildebeast named Nick; consequently, he ended up a carnivore.
Jed Brough: Clark Sandholtz has a very lopsided head; therefore, he falls over very often.
Jacob Pitkin: Loud lions roar; therefore, we'd better run before we get stampeded by steroid-induced turtles.
Shayla Giles: My friend Holly loved to lick her dinosaur-shaped lollipop; however, the lollipop was disgusting and had hair all over it.
Maddy Morgan: People are so lame they think Kyle and Nick are cool; however, I think they act like psycho panthers.
Shea Martinez: Kyle, the talking lion, still loved licking Rex's tongue; however, his plum-colored cape looked like his mom's.
Wes Thompson: Kyle went to Africa for 20 minutes; consequently, he was chased by a lion who was annoyed by his purple robe.
Kaitlyn Kloor: Ginny and Olivia fight viciously over a lollipop like animals; therefore, I will lick it.
Justin Ly: There was a lock stuck on the lotus; consequently, a lion ate it.
Marly Petersen: Clark gets furious if you dis his fellow animal friend Obama in his presence; however, many people still do so behind his back.
Mr. T: Clark likes to torment Kyle and Nick in his Grammar Punk sentences; however, what he'd really like to do is vacation with Sjoblom's sisters.
Clark Sandholtz: In English class, Clark was given the wonderful idea of going on vacation with Sjoblom's siters; therefore, he went on a love cruise with Morgan, living the rest of his life happily with that mighty fine woman.
McKay Mondfrans: Clark was daydreaming in the middle of English class; moreover, he saw Kyle trying to kill the camel that ran away with his purple cape.
Ali Guymon: Clark came to school; however, animals are not allowed in school, so he was sent home.
Alex Bingham: The drooling teacher arched her back and farted; however, she flew and reached the inner sanctum of tacos instead.
Allison Wiedeman: Clark was very jealous of Kyle's purple cape; however, Kyle looked very animalicious in his cape.
Mav Denhalter: They sat inside the warm igloo; however, a big, man-eating worm came and ate them.
Lexxi Seager: On Monday I was sick, so I couldn't sing; consequently, I didn't get the memo to wear purple.
McCall Martin: McCall was singing; therefore, she ignored Mr. Thompson's lecture, which was way over her head.
Mikayla Hassett: Elvis was singing on a stage in Maui and made all the girls pass out; consequently, his girlfriend became so jealous that she socked Elvis in the stomach on her way to a meeting with her secret lover.
Sarah Vadnais: Yesterday, Kara, Megan, and I started singing beside the pool; consequently, the polygamists started throwing apples at us.
Kara Goodro: Yesterday, Kara and the twins acted like Spaniards and threw apples at the polygamists; nevertheless, I angrily told them to grow better ones.
Shaeley Lewis: The giant squid put poison in the pig's coffee; consequently the pig threw up on him.
Austin Atkinson: I started giving the girl compliments; therefore, she started loving me above all her other losers.

October 14 & 15, 2009: Semicolon Rule #1
Use a semicolon to join independent clauses.

Example: I went to the swimming pool; I swam twenty laps.
Orion Snow: I raked licorice into a pile; it then reeked of razors.
Erica Crabb: Erica and Tashia ate German pancakes; they love eating pancakes while playing volleyball.
Ryan Tanner: Aubrianne licked Rex's taco; she was its number one lover.
Kyle Mollinet: Aubrianne licked Rex's tongue; he then ate the gum in her mouth.
Aubrianne Boseman: Kyle was red with jealousy when he saw Rex licking Aubrianne's tongue; he lunged for Rex, slapping him and pulling out his hair.
Rex Sumsion: Kyle is the licker; he doesn't lick paper.
Sarah Zubeldia: Dumbo devoured delicious Dorito doughnuts; mice now pass out because of his odor.
Melanie Wright: Don't make chocolate-covered doughnuts while you have body odor; Nick J. will devour them.
Sadie Hutchinson: The two dorky sisters didn't eat the odd-smelling doughnut; they devoured the disgusting chocolate-covered ant.
Adan Van Der Torren: I hate odorous Ding Dongs; they are meant for donkeys and dogs, not for Annie's body.
Kaili Jones: Courtney smelled like a wet dog with body odor; maybe it was her doughnut, but I don't know.
Karlee Carter: Brandon was drinking his delicious ortange soda when he saw an icy stand; he ordered a tiger's blood icy, so he threw away his soda.
Claudia Zavala: Claudia was hungry, so she decided to eat a duck; she cut him in half and said, "That was so uncool."
Libby Fowler: Tucker is definitely the licker; he cunningly licked a chum (Kyle) who had recently licked a cucumber.
Alison Williams: Amy and I had a pet duck that ran out of luck; we had it for dinner, and it really sucked.
Maria Whitten: Tucker kissed his cucumber; it was yucky.
Emily Seelos: I was munching and sucking my straw on the couch; my straw tasted like feet.
Ricky Wright: Tucker fell to the couch when he felt the moldy taco touch his tongue; he passed out thereafter.
Kate McCorkle: Tucker touched a grape; he upchucked an hour later.
Austin Flint: The chum at The Chumbucket sucks ducks compared to Krusty Burgers; it is Plankton's diarrhea from last weekend.
Austin Atkinson: Ricky went running naked Monday morning; thirteen people riding rhinos tried to lick him.
Heather Twogood: My friend Sydnee watched a rhino charge at the Crocodile Hunter; she then hit the monkey practicing a trumpet.
Shaeley Lewis: Rick the Rabbit and his friends played with the otters; they played all day.
Mikayla Hassett: In a desperate attempt to become the licker, Mikayla blindly stuck her tongue out and licked the first thing she came in contact with; a giraffe followed her around for the rest of the day.
Tashia Thompson: Everyone must a licker now; Mikayla is the worst, having licked a rhino.
Kara Goodro: I think Shelby is definitely the licker; she righteously rhinoed Sean in the mouth.
Tyler Dopp: Ryan licked his sexiest girlfriend's foot; he licked her mouth quickly, as well.
McKay Mondfrans: Ryan is one of the world's best lickers; he licks monkeys. (Sorry Ryan!)
Sydney Barker: Chase has an obsession with licking my eraser; no one would let him lick their lucious lips.
Allison Weideman: My amazingly sexy radishes lunged forward to attack Carmen; she then grabbed a sheep and ran straight into the wall to go to Hogwarts.
Alec Wilson: Peter was sniffing the wall when he was pushed to the ground; he got trampled and ended up making five new friends with super cool eyes.
Alex Bingham: Mercedes is a senile crocodile; she's licking Sydney like a dog.
Justin McEntire: The lickers shouldn't have affairs with their own neighbors; it is only Rex's and Aubrianne's passionate desire.
Clark Sandholtz: Clark, the sexy beast, was licked by the girls in the school; they all contracted swine flu and brought the world to its doom while hopelessly in love.
Ali Guymon: These letters for Grammar Punk will quickly lead to bad things; the people in this class are especially disgusting!
Camille Bozeman: Kyle licked Tucker's hair; he said it tastes yummy.
Dennis Bassett: Austin Southwick licked a piece of licorice; it turned out he had just licked his pencil.
Erin Strickland: Completely covered with slimey sweat, Elliott hugged Elinor; she immediately slapped him.
Olivia Gurnsey: Camille licked Olivia's lollipop; Ginny was jealous and evil.
Kaitlyn Kloor: Lucifer licked a molten taco; he didn't like it.
Shea Martinez: It's true that Aubrianne loved licking Rex's long, licorice-tasting tongue; Kyle, however, was the first to lick it.
Brittney Carlsen: Kyle really licked his apple; it was very unattractive.
Jacob Pitkin: Kyle licked and lunged too many times; he now has mononucleosis.
Sammy Lunt: Libby Fowler is most likely to be the best licker; I've seen her lick many things you don't even want to know about.
Courtney Brannon: The little, loveable rabbit was electrocuted; he then exploded into many pieces.
Mr. T: Helena fell asleep during the quiz; she was completely exhausted.
Mr. T: These sentences about licking are disturbing on many levels; that's why the students love them so much.

October 8 & 9, 2009: Comma Rule 7
Use a comma to set off a phrase at the end of a sentence that refers back to the beginning or middle of the sentence or that indicates a distinct pause or shift.

Example: I swim twenty laps every morning, hoping to stay in shape.
Example: The bald man hung on the edge of the pool, panting heavily.
Example: He looks like he is going to pass out, doesn’t he?
Example: He is pale and motionless, not actually unconscious.
Kylie Haslam: The dumb kid ran across the yard naked, loudly screaming "Judas Priest!"
Kylie Haslam: The fat man ran his tongue across the lollipop, licking it with delight.
Aubrianne Boseman: Dude! Once this dumb kid threw a Bible right at my head, while running up the aisle in his Hannah Montana underwear.
McKenna Buck: Today, the Buddhist was eating pudding without underwear on, wasn't he?
Tyler Kendell: The terribly undereducated Buddhist monk was quite a dunce, wouldn't you say?
Christian Eaton: After dusgusting evil appears, dung tends to quickly disturb the good within the scriptures, doesn't it?
Ryan Tanner: Little Foo Foo, the chocolate bunny, turned lifelessly around the corner, nipples flapping.
Sadie Hutchinson: In school, we're learning about gods and goddesses, so our topic is mythology, not religion.
Sarah Zubeldia: Poseidon ran his fingers through the M&Ms, and Nicholas popped out, so Poseidon ate him, not the M&Ms.
Bryce Clark: Jay Burrus was in an extremely disturbing music video, wearing a tutu.
Shealeigh Stilson: Jay Burrus used his hairy back to hastily wipe monkey guts off the fat man's butt, not his belly.
Emily Seelos: While I used my loofa sponge this morning, the music played rather loudly, didn't it?
Amy Cottrell: The sound of music was a very successful and delightful movie, don't you think?
Dusty Taylor: S.O.S. Baby! Oswald, my softball team over in Kaysville, got scored on by some wimps in tights, didn't they?
Dennis Bassett: Oompa Loompas like to play soccer in my spongey and soapy bathroom, huh?
Shea Martinez: Sonny pitched her Great-grandma Sophie's body under the sofa, hoping no one would see the shriveled up prune.
Jed Brough: While in Minnesota, a man ate oysters and soda, not sloppy joes.
Clark Sandholtz: "What?" screamed the people of Athens as Zeus threw a giant lightning bolt, trying to hit the bullseye the god had set up>
McKay Mondfrans: Sheesh! A fat monkey is sitting at the top of M. Olympus, thinking he can fly.
Alex Bingham: Ow! Artemis Squirrel tapped me at the Parthenon, hoping to get a laugh.
Mikayla Hassett: The muscley soccer player meant to pass the ball around his opponent, not the net.

October 6 & 7, 2009: Comma Rule #6
Use commas (and quotation marks) to set off a speaker's exact words (direct quotation) from the rest of a sentence.

Example with attribution at the end: “I like to swim,” said the bald man.
Example with attribution at the beginning: The bald man said, “I like to swim.”
Example with attribution in the middle (split quotation): “I like,” said the bald man, “to swim.”
Joey Pitt: "Ah! There is a skull plugging my sink while singing a lullaby to my foul sponge and laughing at my faucet," said Tom.
Matt Morgan: Gus, the crazy homeless rugby player, said roughly, "We need cans and newspapers to sleep on!"
Bob Hargis: "Gulp!" said George, as Joe was about to smack his skull with a ludicrous toilet plug he got from a plumber.
Aubrianne Boseman: "Good heck!" exclaimed Johnny, as he laughed while running from the ugly, fat grandma who used foul language while plunging toward him with her fangs.
Ryan Tanner: Gus the guru asked, "Was climbing the mountain rough?"
Courtney Mortensen: The ugly bug named Ulga yelled to her friend Gus, "Don't go toward the light! You'll never be able to play rugby again!"
Nekel Knowlton: "Golf is an ugly sport," laughed Gus, as Stan putted in a tutu.
Tyler Kendell: "Ugh! I totally forgot the glue for my baseball bat," said the man eating the extra large pack of above-room-temerature gummy worms.
McKenna Buck: "Yikes! I pulled my hamstring by lunging into the splits!" said the guy running from the laughing bull.
Libby Fowler: The defensive lineman smashed Dean into the ground so hard that everyone asked, "Is he dead?"
Tatty Loureiro: "Eddie," said the coach, "you're supposed to be on the other side of the football field.
Claudia Zavala: Reggie Bush loudly said, "Religion practice is ridiculously weird!"
Amy Cottrell: "Decide if you are on offense or defense," said Edward, "or else I'll drink your blood and you will be dead."
Austin Flint: "Parkour! Parkour!" shouted Michael, Andy, and Dwight, as they destroyed the office, jumped on Creed's car, and dented Phyllis's face.
Adam Van Der Torren: The lesbian said, "Religion bores me."
Ian Bigelow: "That's mean," exclaimed Melanie. (Look how short that one is! Still met all the dice requirements, though!)
Trevor Fry: "Mysterious," said Melanie. (Holy cow! Even shorter!)
Shaeley Lewis: "I love the film about the jack-in-the-box who threw a banjo at a janitor and went to jail," said the jack-o-lantern.
Mr. T: "I'm wet and wild," said this Spanish fish.
Mav Denhalter: As he threw the javelin that jabbed through the banjo at the speedy turtle, the jack rabbit said, "I will put you in jail!"
Hailey Babb: "The wild meat eater totally devoured the singing monkey," said Billy.
Kara Goodro: "Jake Dotson and Jack Van Leer were playing with javelins adjacent to the jail," said the story teller.
Mikayla Hassett: "I can't think of a pleasant adjective to describe the county jail!" Jane exclaimed as she listened to a song about jealousy by Jack and his wondrous banjo.
Camille Ambryr Alexandra Bozeman: "I love to drink Mountain Dew, Sprite, and iced tea all at the same time," said T.I., the rapper.
Jacob Pitkin: Only Carsen Jones can think of a trillion ways to irritate the whole class," said the hippie outside the classroom window.
Jessica Robinette: "Ouch! Stop touching me!" said the fat hippo lying lazily under the starfish.
Austin Southwick: "Mormon!" mimmicked Mimi and Maddie.
Dennis Bassett: Austin jumped in the pit while his friend screamed, "Take me with you!"
Jed Brough: "Well, tickle me pink!" yelled Tammy, as Tigger the tiger ran into the wall.
Shea Martinez: While Miranda the talking monkey scarfed down eight hot dogs and 28 cows, Sister Missy Mill bit her toe fercociously and yelled, "Holy Hannah! That hurts!"
Cody Allred: "It is around the Mountain Dew container," said Bob.
Courtney Brannon: "Ouch!" My brother said as I hit him over the head with a little bottle of soda."
Flint McCloud: "Terrible," predicted Flint. (Nice one!)
Clark Sandholtz: "Ilove music,"said Cindy, spreading awkward vibes throughout the group, "but sadly it doesn't like me because whenever I hear it, I get so excited I wet my pants instantaneously."
Justin McEntire: The frisky man exclaimed, "Is your arm hissing?"
Chase Carroll: The motorcross racer said, "I like James Stewart, but I hate Chad Reed because the dirty @#C:E$OD stole my lunch!"
Miranda Melville: "Wow," exclaimed Theodore as his partner flew off the teeter totter due to his enormous weight, "you're not supposed to fly to the Grand Tetons!"
McKay Mondfrans: The fat man at the bar said, "Take all the vegetables you want, but don't eat the eclairs!"

Mr. T (making fun of Maddy M.): "I'm not understanding what a preposition is," said the girl with the giant sucker in her mouth.
Mr. T (still making fun of her): The teacher asked, "Would you be munching on that massive sucker and making googly eyes at Flint if this were a seminary class?"

September 24 & 25, 2009: Comma Rule #5
Use a comma after an introductory word, phrase, or clause.

Introductory word: Generally, I swim twenty laps every morning.
Introductory phrase: Hoping to stay in shape, I swim twenty laps every morning.
Introductory (dependent) clause: Because I hope to stay in shape, I swim twenty laps every morning.
Brittany Coon: Because the artist was a bear, he immediately decided to draw an angry-looking human, and it was an instant success.
Madey Slaughter: Yesterday, Gus kissed the ugly monkey on his disgustingly gross lips, and I thought I was going to puke.
Tyler Kendell: On the weekends, Artie went around the block on his run, but he ran into his neighbor's armadillo, which instinctively devoured him whole.
Orion Snow: Hating myself, I ran into the seminary building and screamed, "Run for your lives! Flying aardvarks are zooming around the world!"
Courtney Mortensen: Because Ulga wanted to kiss Gus, she quickly gulped down her tuna fish sandwich.
Kyle Mollinet: "So, are you doing anything with your argyle aardvark or your arithmetic book?" asked Arthur.
Nekel Knowlton: Because of her large body and powerful legs, Bertha ran with the gorillas.
Camille Sorensen: Today, I went and bought butterfingers and burritos, so I wouldn't have to have leftovers for dinner.
Libby Fowler: Sadly, Mr. Thompson ruined the sacred book called The Pigman by smashing a harmless fly named Marty in its pages.
Kaili Jones: Hoping not to turn blue from disgust, I had to look ugly, loud Luke in the face.
Shealeigh Stilson: Yesterday, I took my dog Sassy on a walk, and she vigourously watered on the stained grass.
Claudia Zavala: Wow! Because Gus is so gullible, he thought that lions chirped.
Tim McMurtry: The day before yesterday, I saw a guy lying on his gut cleaning some grouse and saying "Ewww!"
Mitchell Watkins: "Well, that was awesome," said Mr. T as he smashed the fly in his book.
Braden Checketts: Because I like girls, it's hard for me to focus on the movie when Sally says, "You're kinda cute."
Emily Richardson: Well, the huge fly that looks like a slug is dead now.
Jordan Clarke: Because there was a fly that wanted to learn to read, Thompson crushed it unmercifully and ate it for a morning snack.
Austin Flint: OMG! The night before last, the iguana flashed his piece, resulting in me curb stomping him, taking his gun, and busting a cap in his face.
Rachel White: Unlike Mr. Thompson, I usually refrain from smashing ugly flies in books.
Kirsten Aderl: Because I play the tuba, I have to lug a loud instrument around Louisiana.
Adam Van Der Torren: So, yesterday I lit a Tinker Toy on fire, and it melted at Sizzler's.
Riley Taylor: Because Nick wanted big muscles, Tito the Warrior, a local candy steroid dealer, sold him some "Tito Specials," but Nick just fed them to his dog Horton.
Gavin Todd: Luckily, the unusually lethal Bonny killed Brooks by biting his neck and cutting his artery, while listening to Mozart.
Nick Jensen: Just for tickles' sake, Christopher Riley Taylor decided to pancakes and dance the samba in his tight gold pants.
Sarah Zubeldia: In the end, Ulga danced to the last song with Larry, who is very ugly, because she didn't have any luck with the other boys.
Devin Bigelow: Sure, all kumquats squirt juices, but they give a tainted hint of lemon.
Amber Brenchley: Waiting expectantly, I begged my mother to "gift me" some money, but instead she was selfish and bought herself a butterfinger.
Sadie Hutchinson: Yesterday, this lunatic with bad hair ran around Shopko's parking lot, and as he did this, he was eating a burrito.
Cayden Hurst: Last summer, everyone lustily waited to watch the lucious, laughable, and entertaining new Harry Potter movie.

September 22 & 23, 2009: Comma Rule #4
Use commas to separate items in a series.
(Have one fewer commas than there are items. It is preferred, and never wrong, to put the comma before the and.)

All classes today used the same roll of the dice:
A D 5 preposition -- Topic: The Pigman

Kaylie Peterson: John, who was said to be "a real card," walked around the corner carrying candy, rollerskates, and a jacket.
Nekel Knowlton: Lorraine's dad is dead, deceased, and under the ground, which makes her old lady sad.
Courtney Mortensen: Bobo sat sadly in his cage, fearing death had dared to take his friend's life, but then John, Lorraine, and dear Mr. Pignati came to visit.
Taylor Harris: In a nutshell, John had given Lorraine, the Pigman, Conchetta, Bobo, the boatman, and my dad's platapus hemophilia, which is a disease that made it so their blood never congealed.
Bob Hargis: "Dangit! You stupid bodagget!" said Mr. Pignati as John threw candy in the hospital, around the corner, down the hall, and on the roof.
Aubrianne Boseman: "I felt like I was being assassinated when John's deathly, horrible, and diseased lips touched mine in a distracting way that almost made me throw up in his mouth," said Lorraine.
Kyle Mollinet: John, Lorraine, and Mr. Pignati rollerbladed over the bridge into rabid and dangerous candy that makes your cheeks, not the ones on your face, obese.
Austin Flint: "Dam it! Dam the door so he can't escape!" ordered John as he desperately dodged around the drunken, vomiting, and deranged Melissa Dumas.
Libby Fowler: In his mind, John said, "Lorraine, you look like a lady from a dream with your feather, dress, and make up. You'll be the death of me if I don't get to kiss you."
Mitchell Watkins: John, Lorraine, and the Pigman skated and danced in their house, and then they had an accident.
Shealeigh Stilson: While they were on the bed with decaying pillows, blankets, and sheets tangled next to them, John thought of Lorraine's delicate lips and how deranged but addicting they were.
Camille Sorensen: Dang, the house was a disaster with all the rollerblading, candy, and alcohol, and this made many people unready for the accident.
Biff Bandermeyer: In the graveyard, John contemplates death, decay, and doorways to other worlds, which is why his dad calls him maladjusted.
Hailey Babb: John, Lorraine, and Mr. Pignati started dancing around the house with their roller blades on.
Mikayla Hassett: John raced down the hall, through the doorway, around the house, and down the street to the graveyard to excape the wrath of Mr. Pignati.
Chase Cragun: John, Lorraine, and the obese policeman assassinated the monk's daughter by stabbing her above the hand until she was dead.
Kara Goodro: The deranged Norton was playing with the lady Barbies, which were dead, dainty, and very ugly.
Lexxi Seager: Lorraine is drawn to John in a way that feels like a dangerous, deathly, daring, and extremely crazy dream.
Hensley Hogan: Lorraine rode her roller skates, down the hall, through the doorway, and past the graveyard before she crashed into her darling, who is a dream come true.
Chase Carroll: "Death is coming!" said Lorraine, as John danced down the stairs, toward the doorway, out of the kitchen, past the congealed spaghetti, and into the unsmiling Mr. Pignati.
Clark Sandholtz: Poor Helen's dress became tattered, tore, and fell to the floor as the large lady crashed downstairs into the middle of the dance.
Brittney Carlsen: John, Lorraine, and Bobo all assassinated the diseased daughter as she started to congeal in the doorway.
Syd Benesch: Helen paraded through the house with her deadly, fat, diseased, delicate body sticking out the back of the yellow dress.
Jed Brough: John, Lorraine, and the Pigman were chased around the house by mutated chocolate ants and frogs.
Helena Ma: John, Lorraine, and the Pigman rollerbladed out of the department store and around the corner loaded down with del;ectable delicacies, including the much-adored, highly demanded chocolate-covered ants.
Tori Fairchild: Lorraine and John had the band playing, the downstairs abused, and the house crashed by the time the Pigman returned home.

September 18 & 21, 2009: Comma Rule #3
Use commas to separate non-essential interrupting elements in a sentence.
(Every classs had different dice rolls, but the punctuation requirement was the same.)

Erica Crabb: "Ouch!" Ralph, who is usually quiet, went berserk when an orange flew through the air and hit his earings.
Courtney Mortensen: "Dang!" the farmer yelled, louder than usual, when the cow charged after the chicken and tripped, landing on the pig, who slowly stopped snorting.
Bob Hargis: "Crap!" said Richard, who only had one arm, when he got bitten.
Madey Slaughter: In The Princess Bride, they have to go through the fire swamp where there are ROUS, rodents of unusual size, and Wesley has to kill them to get out. (Comma Rule #1 & #3!)
Sydnee Edwards: Wow! That angry baboon really looks like Kylee, my sister, when she is dangerously close to hitting my brother with a bat.
Aubrianne Boseman: I sat in the tent, which was too small, and watched E.T. fly above me in my grandma's saggy, yellow, polka-dotted bikini. (Both Comma Rule #2 & 3!)
Taylor Harris: "Holy spit!" Bernard shouted as the stray platapus flipped him off, which was difficult with one webbed hand, and bared its teeth.
Parker Hixson: The movie star, whose name has been withheld, ran between two busses and got smashed to death.
Nick Jensen: The clueless Toenail Fan, the teacher that was usually not hilarious, crashed through the blue beehive in his wheelbarrow on the way to bingo.
Cayden Hurst: Mr. Thompson, the ninth grade English teacher, threw a lumpy loogie while in Switzerland doing the foul-smelling luge.
James Redford: Canary Mole, the spawn of Satan, lugged one ugly bull into the school for lunch.
Tatty Loureiro: Teachers at Fairfield, all of whom are very strange, can't dance very well.
Alison Williams: The flamingo, trying to dodge fat pieces of popcorn, fell fast asleep.
Maria Whitten: That teacher, the one with the shiny head, likes to tapdance on Sundays when he's not teaching Grammar Punk.
Austin Flint: That math teacher, who is incredibly voluptuous herself, has fantastically gorgeous sisters who provoke far-fetched fantasies among young males such as myself.
Shaleigh Stilson: "Holy Shazz!" shouted my father, "Our fat, naked mole rate, who is usually afraid of other animals, is chasing after the two-faced tabby cat!"
Mitchell Watkins: I saw the fat man, the one with an afro, fall into the alligator exhibit at the zoo.
Avery Randall: My teacher, who is very fat, lives in the store, where he eats all the food and bathroom essentials.
Braeden Nelson: My teacher, the one who wrestled the Tasmanian Devil, ate the last piece of pie I left in the fridge.
Clark Sandholtz: Mrs. Money, who hates me, had a seizure at her desk when she heard my voice.
Dennis Bassett: Jinkies! Velma, who is a complete supernerd, jumped around and killed Scooby with her eyeball.
Miranda Melville: Yesterday I watched Elmo, a weird TV show about a red thing that likes chemistry, which was my favorite show when I was little.
Ryan Thurgood; Mr. Thompson, who was under a bridge, was learning addition while receiving aid from a very angry wolverine named Jim.
Carmen Longo: When I am in Cobia's dungeon, which smells of disintegrated dog diarrhea, her beady eyes stare me down until I think she is succeeding in burning my soul out of my body.
Allison Wiedeman: Crikey! The enormous lacrosse player, who wears a size 582 shoe, yelled as Chewbacca chased him down the football field all the way to the baseball diamond's infield.
Mr. McDonald, who is rude and ugly, found my underwear under his table.
Hensley Hogan: Mrs. Corry, whose son is quite a hunk, talked to me regarding my absences instead of talking to Mr. Davis.
Morgan Osborne: Mr. Carter, who happens to have ADD, is under the table looking at a ladybug.
Kara Goodro: I am very sick of Austin Flint, a preppy, peeping at Sjoblom's piping hot sisters.
Ryen Elliott: Mr. Thompson, who makes people laugh, made one girl laugh so hard she almost peed her pants.
Tashia Thompson: The strange man limped into the restaurant on his hurt leg, which was bent freakishly sideways, and quickly ordered a lemonade.
Trevor Fry: Mr. Thompson, who paid to see a red pepper dance, ate an underage popsicle.
Mikayla Hassett: Ellie, the really mean dance teacher, bought a bottle of lemon-lime soda that turned out to be warm and inedible.
Jacob Pitkin: Whoa! The jealous cheetah, like my aunt on a bad hair day, just blew up 30 jeeps full of tourists in 60 seconds.
Olivia Gurnsey: Who! My grandma, who is very weird, ran over a naked mole rat with a beat up jeep and flew all the way to Jupiter.
Courtney Brannon: Sweet! My brother James, who laughs weird, can jump like the Joker.
Erin Strickland: Mr. Carter, who can't even undertstand himself, likes it that we can't interpret his crazy handwriting.

September 16 & 17, 2009: Comma Rule #2
Use a comma to separate adjectives that modify the same word.
(Every classs had different dice rolls, but the punctuation requirement was the same.)

Nekel Knowlton: Hester the elephant was seen consuming huge, cheesy, and moldy fries with her walrus brother.
Ryan Tanner: The hot otter ate the delicious, scrumptious, loquacious oyster.
Christian Eaton: To catch the torpedo-fast, burning-hot taco, he digested a speed potion and a vitamin pill.
Parker Hixson: The big, fat, and healthy head heard a noise.
Taylor Harris: My brother's platapus, Marvin, was a supposedly a saucy, voluptuous supermodel, but in reality he was an undercover glockenspiel salesman who worked for Kyle. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Orion Snow: I decided that I needed a spicy, crunchy, gigantic, mega-cheap, delicious taco with toasted liger toes.
Madey Slaughter: Todd's dog Toto went with Dorothy to get outrageous, scrumptious, delightful tacos in Oz, but they got lost and couldn't find their way back home. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Kimball Thatcher: Thomas got a job dressing up as an outrageous, dancing taco, so Ted the tomato would have a weird, wacky brother to dance with. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Aubrianne Boseman: Thomas the talking train wanted to eat the chunky, slimy, outrageous oatmeal, but he couldn't stop looking at the scrumptious Megan Fox. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Bob Hargis: "Eh?" he said as he stared at the strange creature that was yellow, orange, and blue, yet he stood not in amazement but in fear, as if he were a deer in a car's headlights. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Austin Flint: Holy Shnikies! Mrs. Sjoblom's twin sisters are curvacious, miraculous mega-hotties when they wear their cherry-red underwear.
Kate McCorkle: "Holy Tamale!" he exclaimed after he ate his runny, sour, spicy thunderwear that he wore to the gym yesterday.
Libby Fowler: Shoot! Rumplestiltskin, the ridiculous, round man, just ruined my ruby-red underwear by spilling rum on it.
Shealeigh Stilson: "Oh!" said the old, plump man as he dashed to the bathroom, "I have the runs in my underwear from that scrumptious burrito!"
(Sometimes it's hard to believe this is educational.)
Alison Williams: Wow! The runny, rough, sour-smelling mess was all over, yet I think it was from last month's oatmeal.
Tatty Loureiro: Gross! Your soup is runny, sour, and it tastes like rum.
Zach Taylor: I looked up a big, juicy hot dog on Google, but all that came up was a big, green cat's greasy tail holding a music CD. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Amber Brenchley: I watched a movie about a great teenaged girl getting engaged to a small, wimpy turtle.
Riley Taylor: Emilio ate a big, spicy, drippy Mento sandwich after his baseball game, and he had embarrassing gas afterwards.
Adam Van Der Torren: The ugly, manly women who met at the rugby field had weak lungs, so they passed out after only a meter. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Sadie Hutchinson: Like a great, huge buffoon, he danced outrageously to a song by Weird Al.
Trevor Fry: The otter had chunky, slimy, yellow snot coming out of his nose, but the cow thought it was a tater tot, so he ate it. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Mav Denhalter: The lost goat took the fat, ugly, stupid owl from the tree, so it hooted in its face. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Chase Cragun: Ouch! A pretend doctor just took some gross, slimy, gooey organs out of me while I was at the beach.
Mikayla Hassett: When I went to the aquarium the other day, I saw an otter that made the most awful, disturbing, loud noise, but I couldn't avoid the urge to stop and stare. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Mikayla Hassett: Wow! The ridiculous, ignorant cow stepped in front of the bus as it drove past the farm, but because of the cow's stupidity, the old famrer was able to open his own burger restaurant. (Both Comma Rule #1 & #2!)
Tashia Thompson: "Waaah!" the boy stammered as he was thrown around by the raving, ranting, round, ridiculous rhinocerous.
Hailey Babb: While dancing, the colt, the otter, and the oyster ate slimy, buttery, disgusting toast.
Lexxi Seager: "Gross!" yelled Bob, as he watched a wild, ugly, dancing baboon roll over into poo.
Shaeley Lewis: Totter the Otter are a moldy, green carrot, but he liked the 83-year-old parrot better.
Sydney Barker: The powerful reverend jacked the majestic, holy, scrumptious hymn book from the orphan's grubby little hands.
Clark Sandholtz: Greasy, chunky potato overlords retaliate heavily when strawberry slaves try to revolt.
Alec Wilson: The rebellious boy started throwing massive, sharp, evil-looking carrots at the winner of the race.
Dennis Bassett: She is a religious girl, and she is a lean, mean, fighting machine.
Erin Strickland: The aful, painful, adventurous journey kept my inner eye on the ridiculously dangerous Jason Bourne.
Nika Love: They told me to tell the religious teacher that she was an ugly, stupid, mean teacher and to go to *%#$.
Carsen Jones: I juggled two tiny, mouse-like, fly-shaped watermelons in the large, gigantic church.
Courtney Brannon: The enormously huge, stinky elephant rode in the elevator as he said a prayer.
Shea Martinez: Never in all my years of doggie training have I seen a dog with a purple, gushy, moldy, wet tongue.
Shea Martinez: The fat, unwanted elf had eleven pet hamsters to call him the Father of all Rodents.
Tyler Wall: Because he thought it was part of his religion, Nate bought an elephant that was big, round, and chunky.
Jed Brough: "Austin was right," said Jed. "When those ridiculously hot, lovely, and wonderful girls came into the room, I failed the test horrendously.
Camille Bozeman: My aunt went to church today and brought home dirty, smelly, regurgitated socks.
Brittney Carlsen: The big, fat, religious prophet said that his wife had eleven kids at once.

September 14 & 15, 2009: Comma Rule #1
Use a comma between two independent clauses (complete thoughts) that are joined by a conjunction.
(Every classs had different dice rolls, but the punctuation requirement was the same.)

Lexxi Seager: My sister thinks Leonardo Dicaprio is lovely, but I think he looks a lot like a pale elephant.
Heather Twogood: I heard a lemur making a bleating sound with a melon, but it turns out it was really an upside-down sheep.
Mikayla Hassett: A truck pulled up beside me while I was walking to my bus, but I was too busy listening to my iPod to notice that the driver was a punk with a pet turkey.
Shaeley Lewis: In Ukraine, the turkey parked across from the truck, and he got a parking ticket.
Mav Denhalter: The fat pig fell into the lemur cage, so it got melted by a laser gun.
McCall Martin: The punk turkey was driving a truck over a bridge in Kentucky, and he was listening to funky music.
Tashia Thompson: It was merely luck that the green-knuckled man made the musical, but he was quite a turkey around the stage.
Ryan Sanborn: There was a fire-breathing stick bug burning all the insects, but it got eaten by a big biting spider
Tyler Dopp: The elephant rationed his food at midnight, so he could share it with the yeti.
Cody Sparks: Stingy the bumble bee flew off into the sunset, but it was eaten by a much larger insect.
Ryan Tanner: The spaghetti noodles were weird, and the sauce was extremely wicked hot.
Brittany Coon: At recess, the child found a caterpillar, and he tried to feed it cheese and crackers as quickly as possible because the bell was about to ring.
Kaylie Peterson: The scent of the American cheese with crackers was delicious, but it tasted deadly.
Tyler Kendell: The man with the cleft decided to add very cold ice to an iced tea drink mix that smelled very fruity, but he ended up not drinking it because he ate too much scented cheese.
Taylor Harris: Zac Efron and his pet platapus were bored, so they decided to make out behind the auditorium.
Kimball Thatcher: We drove through the tunnel, and we smelled old tacos
Kyle Mollinet: Spanky the donkey flew over the nude beach wearing a Speedo, but he was upside-down.
Kate McCorkle: We used to have a dog named Walter, but I don't think he had a weiner at all.
Emily Seelos: Wesley watered his pumpkins every day, but they didn't grow because a weasel was messing with the water.
Claudia Zavala: The awesome ewe wanted some water, so she decided to squeal like a whale.
Braeden Nelson: Some people thought that a gorilla wearing shoes was ridiculous, but I think it's funny.
Tatty Loureiro: I lost my dog named Walter, so I offered an awesome reward.
Austin Flint: I thought Wendy the waitress was hot, but then she said she has a pet wildebeast.
Mitchell Watkins: We saw an awesome whale on Wednesday, but it swam away.
Mr. T: I'm not especially religious, but I think Jesus was a wise person.
Annie Cook: I love the amazing band Black Veil Brides, but Killswitch Engage is better.
Josh Wolfley: Shoot! Little aliens are attacking the bishop, so I guess they aren't religious.
Josh Wolfley: Leprechauns are masters of rock, yet they are shy little acrobats.
Devin Bigelow: Holy cow! I just realized that I have lost my religious beliefs, but at least I can drink now.
Devin Bigelow: Lettermen's jackets are only provided to Lancers who listen to awesome '80s rock, but they'll make exceptions for good players.
Victoria Curto: "Wow," said the religious priest, "I can really listen to my Bible tapes again, and I like it!"
Kirsten Anderl: "Pickle!" Lily yelled when she hammered her finger, for she never swears because of her religion.
Kirsten Anderl: Melanie tried out for Rhapsody, but she didn't realize that Intermediate Orchestra is better than any old choir.
Ashlyn Hislop: I love listening to uplifting songs, but they can get a little boring, so I also listen to pop and country.
Riley Taylor: Larry's luxurious hips got him stuck at a movie theater, but luckily the theater had butter to slide him out.
Chase Blackwell: Lynette learned how to play the clarinet, but it took her a long time to learn to play it well.
Shea Martinez: The fat, food-eating bishop threw his formal pig out the window, so he had room for his ginormous belly.
Dennis Bassett: I was on the roof working, but then a Mormon (who was a flamboyant fool) scared me.
Carsen Jones: He got a forward that said God would come from Heaven and kill him with food, and that night it happened.

The First Day of Grammar Punk: September 8 & 9, 2009
Practice Sentences with Various Dice Rolls

Melanie Wright: Edna's bishop was devoid of happiness because, said he, "My scriptures smell of pina colada!"
Braeden Nelson: Thompson's policy is "personal responsibility," and my policy is "Sleep is more important than anything."
Austin Flint: Tom Petty played a rendition of "Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult on his Epiphone Les Paul, but he got sued.
Mitchell Watkins: Peter got a prize bird at the fair, and he said, "It peeps a lot."
Braden Checketts: I went to P.E. with Peter, and he said, "I like pie!"
Maria Whitten: "This is an epic day!" said the teacher, and he looked so excited I replied by saying, "Wow, that sounds peppy!"
James Redford: Father Pinto screamed "Voldemort's nipple!" while passing kidney stones.
Brooks Trujillo: He yelled, "The bishop's nipples were flapping rapidly in the wind."
Josh Wolfley: Sammy was the stinkiest Eskimo in the whole English class, yet he washed his hamster's nipples every day.
Victoria Curto: The detested ranger sent the gorgeous elephant into his cage, and then he made a nest with his hairy chest.
Kaylee Carter: When I was at the pet store, I finally convinced my parents to let me get the prettiest turtles, but I had to pay for half.
Kirsten Anderl: "Happiness comes from practice, preaching, and praying," said the patriarch. "It doesn't come from being president."
Nick Jensen: The chimps crashed their two Dodge Vipers, but elephants skated to the rescue.
Libby Fowler: "People threw an apple, and I followed it all the way to the epicenter of an earthquake!" Joyce exclaimed.
Mav Denhalter: John is a terrible cheater, so the Buddhists have prayers by the tree.
Autstin Atkinson: The Pope restarted my resting car, so I could drive home and put my bear to rest.
Mikayla Hassett: The really nosy preacher is always ready to make me read the Bible, but he's never shown up at church!
Lexxi Seager: "Oops!" shouted Snoopy as he slipped on snot in the movie theater; he wasn't looking so, sadly, he slipped and fell.
Kara Goodro: I realize we are going to write a sentence about religion, but I just think this is retarded.
Alex Bingham: Were you paying attention when it passed gas near the strained pitcher?
Alison Weideman: Why in the world did the stupid, idiotic, ditzy old lady sit on third base and knit her sexy hubby a sweater during a Red Sox game?
Carmen Longo: The ditzy quarterback threw the intelligent life form out of the elevator after the alien said, "So why are you in my bathroom stall?"
Sydnie Kidd: "Why is the armadillo's luminous underbelly so partial to spontaneous combustion?" the rock asked, but the unfriendly faucet was too dead to reply.
Clark Sandholtz: "Shnikeys!" exclaimed the Siamese twins as they barely missed the bullseye.
Ali Guymon: "Alas, the single man was still singing," he said.
McKay Mondfrans: Sid, the stupid shy kid, yelled "Yikes!" like a barbarian.
Erin Strickland: Great! I just smashed my Weezer CD with a fireball, and my heart is hugely afflicted.
Jacob Pitkin: Whoa! They're advertising new chili fries in the new James Bond movie, but it'll cost me an arm and a leg just to get there.
Shayla Giles: My fish jumped out of the tank and bit my grandma's pinky, so she shouted "Ouch!" because she was all alone singing to herself.

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